the · greenest · trees · you'll · ever · see · are · the · ones · inside · your · mind

Hi folks,

Well after a hard 9 months travelling I am back in the UK, although still in a daze of travelling, the shock hasn't hit me yet, maybe because ive been drunk since getting off the plane.

I'm so skint but I have 3 action plans to get money involving pissing and moaning at 1. The TV license people for a refund, 2.The travel company I booked with for another refund and 3. Paypal to 'verify' my account which I've had for 2 years. If all of those come through Im looking at over £300 which would be nice.


I have decided not to do a long write up about my travels. Mostly because I simply can't be bothered, I remember more from looking at pictures than diary entries anyway, so I shall spare you all the loooong read. Plus Gord does all that so you can just look at his if you wanted.

I am (for those who don't know) staying with helen for 2 years, I don't think she minds as she hasn't mentioned it yet.

No, shortly I shall be moving up to Scotland where I hope to buy a wee flat with Gord and attend Dundee uni doing a course in architecture, and hope to hold constant dinner parties and murder mystery nights and the what not. I don't think any of this will happen for at least a few months, so don't uncork the wine just yet, but eventually, I want everyone to come up whenever they can (Mega bus is really cheap and despite what you may think isn't too unpleasant). I refuse to loose contact with people, I simply out-right refuse. So you're coming weather you like it or not. Plus you can stay for as long as you want (maximum 1 week). I also plan to buy a little mini like mom used to have and go on mini road trips, so that should ensure I am frequently in the Surrey/London area.

As for the time being I am trying my best to see everyone again, so if you require my services, please enter your name in the comments box and I shall get back to you.

So I think I have everything covered- accommodation, transport and education. Oh yeah, I need to get a job. I want to work in a kennels or something with direct contact with animals. It sounds like a job a 14 yr old would have, but if I'm at uni then I might not have much spare time. I also plan to start making vintage clothing and sell it online, perhaps get an E-bay shop or something. That's another thing I like which should get me a few extra pennies.

It's so strange having 'a plan'. I think this is the first I've ever had that's been semi realistic. It feels good though, every other thing I've planned has always gone tits up, so hopefully this one won't.

And after I have a place to call my own, one of the first things im doing is heading down to the nearest rescue centre and adopting a fleet of dogs (don't tell gord). I already bought a dog bowl and matching cape (superman) so I'm halfway there.

I know I'll have fun everyday up until then but I just want it all now! Even when we were living in Leatherhead we were renting and not all that well off, so there was always the constant thought of 'oh no, mom can't afford rent this month' (despite having two jobs), so even though it's 'home' it's a borrowed home. And before that we were living at my nans house. I can't wait to actually own something of my very own which means a kind of balanced, solid base.

Ok well I have awful breath and I think helens homes, need to go bru

ello!

We are no officially finished with New Zealand, suprisingly about 2 weeks aghead of schedule, but no longer having the van kind of limits our options. So we have just changed our flights and are heading to Rarotonga tommorrow! The place we will be staying looks like this




... so you can understand my excitement! Just when I got settled and managed to be able to work to pay for my accommodation we are up and leaving. I don't want anywhere to be so over travelled that it gets boring. We are then off to LA 4 days after that! Busy busy!

-So we are now in New Zealand and bumming around Christchurch until the Queens birthday celebrations are over and we can start to live normal lives again. Honestly, who even celebrates the queens birthday except for the queen herself?

We have hired one of these:

Which comes not only with a dvd player but ALSO a heated towel rack...
I've never driven anything this big before, I drove the guy's 4x4 who took me hang gliding, which was huge and had various metal rods jutting out to support the hang glider down a winding mountain road, but that is as big as it gets. Actually that was pretty funny, he could see me from the air when he was up with claire, watching me drive his car but being so high up in the air to be able to do absolutely nothing about it even if I crash. So I parked his car, ran down to the beach and embedded in the sand in big letters the words 'I crashed your car'. That was a good day.

Anyways, so yes, this will be our home for the next two months, Claire's going off wwoofing to try and spend less money, our plan is just to head downwards to the glaciers and stuff, perhaps I should actually read that lonely planet...

We did it! 5 days spent waiting in an underground car park- the Kings Cross Car Market and eventually we've sold the car. It is one of the most dull, depressing things to do, without any natural daylight and exhust fumes pumping around, sitting at your sad little table trying to sell your station wagon, out of about 30 other staion wagons. Still, we met some cool people and shared some funny stories, plus when a car caught on fire on a test drive - that proved amusing entertainment, not to forget my toppling over and smashing my face on the concrete and having the paramedics drag me off to hospital, that was good entertainment, shame I can't really remember it.. But still, at least it's over, we were cutting it quite fine, having to fly off in less than 48 hours still with a 20 tonne lump of steel to shift. (Are cars mande of steel?)

So now, with cash in hand (deposit at least) we need to buy Gord some much needed new shoes and I could always do with more random crap to fill my rucksack. Im just so happy I typed in Livejournal.com!, exclamations belong to long waited achievements such as these.

So this then I think marks the end of Sydney, Georgie has taken us on some wild rides and truely once in a lifetime sights that simply cannot be imagined. Thankyou Georgie.

Bought her for $3,100, sold for only $2000, BUT we have had our own little portable house and stayed wherever we wanted whenever we wanted, for as long as we pleased (until the police move you on). Not bus or train tickets, next to no walking and control over our own, if I may say so, awesome sound system. SO worth it.

Hi folks! As per usual, I can't really be bothered to update my journal, as amazing as it would be, I just can't really be arsed. I'll just round up a few of the events since we last chatted.

Headed North even further up into Cairns where we saw Xavier Rudd live which was spiggin' awesome. Got dragged behaind a boat on a large tube and swallowed large amounts of salt water. Headed into the outback and saw the most and largest roadkill I have EVER seen eg. whole bulls. Drove in the scorching heat for days and stopped off at a few watering holes for some beer, interrupting the kind of bar that you see in the movies where everyone turns round and silences as you enter. They were watching neighbours which they quickly switched to sport as to appear masculine. Drove more hundreds of miles and came to Ayers Rock or Uluru. Watched sunset and got drunk listening to covers of Eric Clapton. Visited the Devils Marbles which were big and round and marble like. Stared an awe at some of the local aboriginies grunting to each other in their strange communicative snorts and giggles, prodding at canvases with sticks doing their paintings. Visited an underground hospital which was cool. Went on down to Coober Pedy an old opal mining town where everyone lives underground. Underground churches, homes, resturants etc. Found a big(ish) peice of opal right by my feet without even having to go fossicking and got that cut and polished up. Drove for more hundreds of miles and have to pick out the strange bugs and insects that cover the windscreen and grill. Gross. I sent some of them home. Stayed in an underground motel and sat in and watched Neighbours for days. Who needs sunlight. Went to Barossa Valley, home of Jacobs creek and the wine capital of Oz. Hired bikes and took delight in the 'free wine tastings'. Did a winery tour. Drank more wine. Hired out a little house on a vineyard which was just perfect. Had to push out Coco, the very big abd very hairy dog out of our car and departed to Adelaide. Went to see a show about going mental which was awesome. Went to the old Gaol where I got locked in because it was the end of the day and had to shout to be released. Chocolate factory tour. Free chocolate! Drove 200km to an old mental institution for the criminally insane. Didn't get locked in this time. Came to Melbourne. Went to a themed night called Draculas where you get a ghost train to the bar and the paintings move and anamatronis everywhere and comedy and penis puppetry and dwarf imitation and a three course meal with drinks that you take from a syringe! What else would you need! Countless cinema visits, just got back from Zodiac, yeah, was pretty good actually. Drove the great ocean road in some not-so-great weather. Went to Cheese world. Ate cheese. Off to Imax tomorrow then some shopping perhaps. Neighbours tour whenever we can actually be bothered to book it! Ok, I think i did well considering I couldn't even be bothered. Oh and Gord got some onions followed by a knife thrown at his head but I'm sure he'll tell you more about that.

Byes!

Yeah so Fraser Island. We managed to get on a cheapo tour witch meant there were 8 of us in a 4WD, which was interesting, Gord being the only male. The roads are basically the beach and driving is tres tres hazardous if you want to stay alive, and get your deposit back. The 'roads' double up as runways for incoming planes and parking bays, We went to the most gorgeous lakes, so warm and freshwater too, basically like swimming in evian, you could see right to the bottom no matter how deep you went. You could drink it, and if you dug down a little you get to dark mud which you use for a mud bath, kept on too long though can result in you going brown as my lips found out. The sand is so fine you use it to rub all over you skin to exfoliate, and you can rub it on your teeth to get them white, you can even use it to get a scratch out of your glasses, thats how fine it is. Amazing. I could have stayed for days. My depiction of paradise. The tide meant that you had to plan your journey as the roads were pretty much cut off after certain hours which meade it near impossible to get anywhere as there is simply no inland tracks. Luckily the guys who rented us the vehicle knew their stuff and so drew up a rough itinerary to cram in all the best stuff. We went to an old shipwreck which was amazing, like a stubborn old man, rusting and old but not budging for anyone! The S.S. Maheno was caught in a winter cyclone while being towed to Japan for a scrap metal yard when it was grounded at Cathedral Beach, Fraser Island, on the 8th of July, 1935 and she's been there ever since!

So Fraser Island was amazing, as expected. More on that later.

Does anyone know anything about geckos?

I found one sitting on a bag of chow mein in a supermarket in Earlie Beach, and so when i went to catch him he shed his tail which carried on wiggling for minutes after.

Anyway, I got the little blighter and he is now called Pete and he lives with me and we are very happy.

But I don't actually know anything about geckos. He's reeeaally small so i think he's still a baby. And he's now even smaller from having no tail. He will be travelling with me from now on, a life on the road.

I'm gonna go see if i can track down a pet shop to get him some food. I will try and take a picture of him if the flash doesnt kill him.

HEY FOLKS!

Once again long time, no post. When you've got nothing to do you somehow tend to get alot less done. Not to say I haven't been busy, that i definately have.


Byron Bay was our last big stop, we ended up setting up camp in a small shanty town like squat they call the arts factory, actually a great place to stay, with workshops and didge playing, poi, bbqs, yoga, everything you could want. It was very easy for me to slip back into actually believing I was born in the sixties and that Byron Bay was infact home. Although now hugely commercial there was loads to do, and despite it pissing it down on my actual birthday, we went out to get our auras photographed, mine was nearly all red, meaning I am headstrong. Who would have thought.. We went hang gliding the very next day and the weather was perfect for it. Definately getting qualified. "Honey im just taking the hang glider out for a spin" Nice.


We took a day trip to Nimbin, the police basically avoid it, the have a certain understanding that they leave each other alone, although this is a really good understanding, I have never been offered so many drugs in a museum before. Not that it really was a museum...

I for some reason avoided the specail cakes they had on offer. This may be why i can actually remember it. We got a big old school bus driven by a nice old hippy man, I think you could steal his wallet and he would still be full of praise for you. We picked up a 'BLACK MAN' on the way, an aborigional. This was a big deal as there are pretty much no aborigionals anywhere that is touristy. Actually thinking about it they probably have the right idea. He started to take control of the mic and went a bit crazy doing his dances and screams. I think he was a professional travelling drug dealer. Well the term 'drug dealer' sounds a bit heavy, the great thing about Nimbin, although small, everybody seemed to have some type of wonderful secret to sell you, like even they weren't too sure what it actually was. Even the pensioners had a sneaky twinkle in their eye that told you they could hook you up with anything under the sun.



The 'Museum'




After Nimbin we payed a visit into the bus drivers friends house, he has converted thousands of acres of land which had been destroyed by logging into a thriving green jungle that I would describe as a 'living Eden'. Beautiful. If only more people were as strong hearted to actually do something about the state of this place like these guys.br>


This is Gords guitar he picked up from a pawn shop, I added a bit of painting to it to make it less, crap.

I've started to really pine for a dog companion, and although me and Gord are planning on getting one, well, I want one now! We were at Movie world the other day and spotted a superman dog bowl. We had to get it. "But you can't have the bowl without the cape" we figured, so "Wonder Dog" TM is well in the making. I have to stop myself buying the actual dog food already.

So it's been a long time spent in the tent, so we thought we would treat ourselves to a double bed which was quite a treat. No other furiture of coure. Just a bed and carpet. And a curtain rail that wasnt actually attatched to the wall. Anyway, it makes a nice change to the blow up matress, the stopper of course being quite an essential part to keep the air in. So when Gord managed to misplace it two days in a row, the second meaning us having to sleep one night on pretty much rocks then drive all the way back to the spot we were at the night before just to go and fetch it so we could actaully sleep the next night, I was quite excited at being comfortable again until gord manages in almost slow motion to pop the bloddy thing with his belt buckle. Tssssssssssssssss there goes our night of sleep. Luckly, being intoxicated meant we had the chronic giggles for the best part of an hour and somehow managed to fix it. Fingers crossed it will stay fixed. I think I might ban Gord from the tent, for safety.


We have had our share of strange campsites along the way, one special favourite of mine was a rest stop with a dog the size of a small hippo that make you fear for your life, and subsequently NOT go any further in the pitch black to look for the so called 'toilets', which led me to do the lady thing and go behind a bush, only to hear a horse neigh right in my ear when i was under the impression I was in fact alone. Not being watched by a field of horses. Can horses see in the dark? Hope not. They certainly heard my scream. Toilet activites at this certain campsite also include being followed to and shouted abuse through the holes in the wall by a crazy old man. 'Get outta there', HURRY UP'! He instantly scuttled behind a tractor, out of sight, a choice out of many broken down old cars, fridges, unrecognisable engine type sculptures when I emerged confused yet relieved. We quickly left that place while we still had our lives.

Georgie (the car) is doing well, I managed to take a bit off the bonet yesterday and we have a parking ticket, but apart from that she is a A star car. Bonets are a luxury anyway, not entirely necessary. But with three of us living out of one boot and back seat can get quite frustrating with loosing even things that you have in your grasp. We treated her to a big clean out yesterday while the sun was out, drinking beer all the while and packing up things to be sent home. Needless to say, we were moderately drunk by the time she was clean. Drunk enough for Gord to sing spice girls whilst kissing his fingers then pressing them on his bum cheek and running around with my bikini top on. Gord also treated me to his melody of rap songs and we discussed in detail the rules of 'illegal midgeting'. We did discover though that we had a spare tire and jack.

Showers have been few and far between, stopping at permanent campsites where the locals can be spotted peeking out from behind their curtains, drinking beers and smoking joints on their 2ft by 5ft lawns getting sunburnt and shouting abuse. We are currently working on our shower and dash routine. One day I'm sure we will go back to the car to find our tyres have been slashed and we are not allowed to leave. Perhaps the further we get into the outback the scarier the locals will become.

Anyway this has taken me near 2 hours and i have loads more photos and things but it takes so damn long to upload anything so i will try again soon. Off to Fraser Island tomorrow for 3 nights which should be good, hopefully sunny! See y'all! xx

If I may bring these to your attention...

All of these are chalk drawings by a man named Julian Beever. er....WOW.

MOre randon pictures!

Here I am in my caravan, like a right hick, toilet roll and rubbish makes up my front garden. I have my disabled child held up in front of me, (she slept with me every night) and a giant fish finger propped up against the fibre glass wall of my chilled palace. The pies were all too tempting so I am reserved to my new life as a FAT FUCK.

Here I am in Pettenburg Bay, humping an elephant. I had to stay in control as elephants bring out something emotional in me! Absolutely beautiful. I would go so far as to say the best ride of my life. This one lived her first years as a house pet, yes- an indoor house pet. Ridiculous.




My little meerkat friends. I'm gonna miss feeding their furry little barking chops every morning, and getting my toes nibbled on.



Katie and Coco, two fantastic cockatoos, u cannot stand for more than a minute without them attaching themselves to you. They love it when u stay for a chat and Katies constant 'Ellooo' never gets boring.


Timothy Fulfit, the sickest RAF trainee u'll ever meet. Him looking sauve with his (not his) surf board.



Thats it for now, i have a flight to catch in a few hours.Bye everyone!

Hello everyone! Just a few pics of the past 6 weeks! ( enjoy! )

Hello again!

So shark cage diving and getting severe sunburn on both legs has been pleasantly overshadowed by a day of canyoning, we abseiled down a 65 metre waterfall and im not ashamed to admit, i was actually more nervous then than I was for the bungee! Perhaps it was because our instructors didn't actually explain the basics, so as I was being lowered i said 'could you just run through the whole how to abseil thing again please..' but didn't really get a reply. Anyways as soon as I got going it was awesome, being in a waterfall, dangling, not a care in the world. We anaged to escape being attacked by baboons which was a bonus, they lowered us first, 'women and children first!' so as to keep the sturdy strong men up top to scare off the baboons. Women very much seem to have second place here in South Africa, I am starting to believe that I am in fact capable of nothing but having breasts. We also did a spot of cliff jumping, which was, ooh, incredible. Can't wait to do it again. The highest I managed was 18 meters, ok, perhaps that doesnt sound high, but you go up to that hieght, look down and tell me you could jump... I was all up for the 24 meters, but on my way out of the beatuful 20 metre deep clearwater lake i kind of got lost for about 30 minutes, trekking barefoot through forest trying to get back to the cliff. Yes, stoopid. Still, it was an absolutely gorgeous day, swiming in the natural lakes, so deep, created by waterfalls.

Well we leave soon to go to the cape of good hope, im not entirely sure whats there, we shall see, but tomorrow night we are sleeping on an old train that has been converted into a backpackers, sounds cool, thats in a place called mossel bay, which again im not really sure what there is to do there, we shall see!

Ok I have 4 minutes left, hope everyone is good miss you all. speak sometime soon not sure when!!

xx

Hello Peoplkes!

Just another quickie form the other side of the world!



At the moment i'm in Cape Town, the Cape of all towns and a cape definately not to be missed! Like London only wider streets, scorching heat and crazy African markets everywhere. Great stuff. Oh plus it's right next to the coast.


We have now officially finnished our first placement at African Dawn, the wildlife sanctuary run by Percy, a 17 year old 50 year old in complete denial that next to no-one visits the park and he is running out of money, still it is fun!


One problem we are (or were) facing is that to get to our next placement up in Kenya, we would have to leave Cape Town tommorrow to catch a flight that, well, we never quite got round to booking. Problem? Never! We have manged to go back to African Dawn for the Christmas and New year period which is great because we are like a little family there. Most of the girly girls have now left which leaves us in a bitch free environment with only Percy, his mom who is lovely, Marcel, the 17 year old Dutch boy with severe ADHD which when stoned is just hilarious and Tim, training for the RAF and the most competitive man you'll ever meet. We have just had a monkey in, a few days before we left who we are looking forward to seeing again, a baby vervet called Malcon who's mother was caught in a trap, and as he is so young and cannot be left alone in a box we have to swaddle him in a sling and wear it like a mommy whilst we get on with or work, so cute!

Anyways, we are staying a few more days in Cape Town, now that we are not in a rush! Tommorrow we are up at 6.30 AM for shark cage diving and then we have been informed by a man with 20 peircings on his face and false teeth for a bracelet there is a gay fun run where everyone gets dressed up, drunk and runs down long street so we shall make sure we have prime seats for that! The next day we are hiking table mountain and abseiling down and kloofing (cliff jumping) as high as 35 metres which will be shit scary but awesome!


Anyways, only 6 minutes left, so


Gord- I need to know when you arrive in Australia because now our dates are all messed up so i'll be later than planned, so ring me bitch!


James, if you are reading this, just for you, I will take a picture of the street sign with me straddling it, 'Hoff Street'.


Helen- I have found the shop of your dreams, the man with the false teeth who ran it, it sold everything that reminds me of you- wartime hairdryers, inflatble chairs, army siuts, excellent stuff.


Ok gotta run 1 min left. Love you all byee!!

Hey folks! Im in South Africa at the mo, and its my 2 days off work so we all headed into storms river for some mental activites.

Here some photos of today, I did the worlds highest bungee jump off Bloukrans bridge. It was so spiggin awesome i hadnt even got my feet back onto the bridge and i was ready to go again.

this is the bridge-

Me gettin strapped up.

this was my first jump, i think the worlds leaving my mouth at this point were 'fuuuck me!' (it was pretty dammed high)

aaaand the after affects.

Me contemplating my second launch





....My second launch. I was told to try backwards and apparently it was quite a good jump! I was so up for it this time and just went for it!

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The second was 20 times better than the first, i didnt get that sudden death feeling i had with the first and freefall seemed to last longer. NO stopping me now baby!

Hope everyone is well and having fun wherever you are whatever you're doing. I miss all you guys! xxx

Ha ha, hello, all, my names jen, im in Cucso, Peru and Im a mental reject. I took part in a shamic session with a reaaally powerful drug that cracks open your soul and lets you peer into yourself. That was 3 days ago and I´m still riding a wave of dissilusion! A note of advice for anyone wanting to try Ayahuasca- DONT. Its fucking powerful stuff. The sickness and diaorreah wasnt too bad, even the shaman still has this, but the things and places i have been. Wow. I was warned by a guide it was not a game and boy was he right! this is no recreational drug! With just a whistle of his smoke pipe and a sip of the drink we were under, and his chanting guided us through amazing places, but unless you are fully prepared for the strength then it can be very scary. I had shouting voices, courtrooms full of people watching me, it can be quite bad for paranoia. so so so much more it was like being linked up to 1000 TV screens being wired into your brain at once all playing loud bright cartoons and images. I felt my spirit lift out of my body and i was floating. Jen talked to me but she wasntm making much sense, really loud. Edwin the guide also took part and despite it being his 4th time he was still petrified. So thats the lesson for today, if you are going to go into the amazon and take ancient drugs with a witch doctor- don´t. Im sitting here and am being watched but there is no one there!!! perhaps the 3 guides are still there. I gotta go ive been floating bobbing about for about an hour i must leave this place!

Whooo! Just past my driving test! This means I can get my splitty at last!!! EEEEEEEEEE!! Go me for the second time this week!